Ridge Runner Chronicles: The Emergence of the “Prison Coach” – April 3, 2025

By Editor | April 2, 2025 |

By Bill Hoagland

I was recently reading about Sam Bankman-Fried, the young crypto promoter who was sent to prison for fraud. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, Bankman-Fried is gathering political resources to push for a pardon from President Trump; now that he is finally in an actual prison and not in home confinement, he is finding that prison life is tough, no matter how rich or famous you are. (He was recently punished with solitary confinement for giving an interview to Tucker Carlson.) I also heard that before going to prison, Bankman-Fried consulted with a “prison coach”; prison coaches, if you didn’t know it, are usually former convicts who tell rich white collar criminals how to act in prison. It has become a cottage industry of sorts.
Bankman-Fried is certainly not the first rich white collar celebrity to serve time in prison. Here are just a few of the names of other celebrities you probably never dreamed would some day be doing time: Martha Stewart; Bernard Madoff; Elizabeth Holmes; Luigi Mangione; Larry Nassar; Michael Cohen; Richard “Dickie” Scruggs and of course, Jeffrey Epstein. And nearly all of these folks sought the advice of a prison coach before that metal door clanked behind them. It is safe to say that there will be more celebrities doing time in the next few years. So the career choice of being a prison coach may turn out to be a lucrative one—especially if you have “done time” yourself and now find yourself unemployable as a financial consultant. The charges for services as a prison coach, by the way, seem to boil down to whatever you can scare the “client” into paying you.
The type of coach to pick depends on what type of prison you are likely to wind up in—a maximum security prison, a minimum security prison or something else less restrictive and, more importantly, whether it is a federal prison or a state prison. State prisons generally are much more difficult to tolerate for a celebrity felon. Much of the advice seems to be common-sense stuff: be polite but avoid trying to befriend anyone until you get a better feel for who is who. And keep your mouth shut; don’t be a snitch; don’t complain about your own situation and stay alert. In the tougher prisons, your conduct is even more challenging: for example, you must ask permission of your new cellmate before you first enter the cell you are going to sharing with him; if you bump someone in the halls, apologize immediately; ask permission before speaking to anyone; honor all commitments to fellow prisoners; and don’t “see” what you shouldn’t have “seen”. In other words, if you pass a cell and the two occupants are doing dope or having sex, why are you looking in there anyway, “Boy”? “Coach” told you to always, always look straight ahead. (The worst thing you can be is a “snitch”; being a snitch could cost you your life so if you didn’t “see” it, how can you be a snitch?)
Some of the advice is amusing. For example, Lori Laughlin, an upper-middle class mom who was convicted and sentenced for fraud relating to getting her daughter admitted to USC, thought she needed to take some self-defense lessons before serving her sentence in a minimum security prison. Her coach told her she would be better served focusing on getting a good lawyer to get her sentence reduced, not focusing on some karate chops. From what I can determine, that appears to be very good advice. There are many ways to get that sentence reduced and that should be the primary objective for any white collar felon. And who knows—if you make it out of there, maybe you can be a coach someday too. I heard it pays well.
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■ Bill Hoagland has practiced law in Alton for more than 50 years, but he has spent more than 70 years hunting, fishing and generally being in the great outdoors. His wife, Annie, shares his love of the outdoor life. Much of their spare time is spent on their farm in Calhoun County. Bill can be reached at [email protected].